The Label Maker
by Trinityvampire83
Summary: Misuse of a label maker in Avengers Tower, comedy ensues. To be added into a larger story later, but works well as a stand alone.


"Property of Thor?" I read the label on the box of Pop Tarts. I picked another box, same thing. When I asked everyone to label their food in the common room kitchen, Thor must have taken me seriously. I emptied the cupboard. Every box had an identical label.

I gave up and moved to the fridge, hoping for some left over pizza. Property of Thor. What the hell was going on?

"Tony?" More of a yell than a question. "Is this some kind of joke?" I laughed at the label on my beloved's forehead. I stifled a laugh.

"It's not me." I laughed. "I think Thor got ahold of a label maker. Obviously he doesn't think you are mine, Loki."

"What? Thor's?" He questioned.

"You can't read it can you?" I laughed some more.

"No, it's backwards."

"It says, 'Property of Thor'." I recited.

"What! I'm gonna kill that son of a…" Loki started off for the elevator

"Love bug, calm down. I'm not saying lets go kill him. But let's at least get that label off your head." I caught him and tried to talk some sense into him.

"Okay." He conceded. Loki walked to the breakfast bar. I watched his tight ass walking from me as I noticed a second label.

"Now I'm going to kill Thor." I stalked over to him ripping the label off his pants. I held it out for Loki to examine, before getting a wet wash cloth. I dabbed the cloth to Loki's head slowly peeling the label off. I handed it to him and wiped away the remaining glue. It left an angry red mark on him.

"Kill Thor?" He asked.

"Kill Thor." I agreed before taking his hand and leading him to the elevator. "What do you think got into him?"

"I don't know. He gets on these obsessions. Like his first time on Midgard, it was coffee and pop tarts. He wouldn't stop obsessing over them when he took me back to Asgard."

We stepped off the elevator on top Thor's floor. Jane was already walking to us, a label stuck to her forehead and one on each breast. Loki snorted in laughter, I tried hard not to laugh.

"He got you too?" Jane addressed me. Loki stuck his hand out to her, two stickers clung to his fingers. Jane and Loki still had their differences and really didn't speak. Jane was still bitter about New York.

"He got me. One on my head like you, one on my ass." Loki spoke.

"I'm not to thrilled about that last one. I do admit yours are nice."

"Tony, don't. She hits." Loki moved to push me away from her.

"He also got every box of Pop Tarts in the common room and the left over pizza from last night." I informed her.

"You want to see something?" She asked waving us the bedroom. We followed. Mjölnir lay next to the bed. A strip of white stuck to it. Loki bent to read it.

"Loki?" I asked.

"Property of Thor." He recited.

"Where is Thor?" I asked.

"I thought he was training with Steve and Bruce." Jane shrugged.

"Training room." Loki and I said simultaneously.

Jane accompanied us to the training room. Thor was indeed in a heated battle with Captain America and the Hulk. Loki and I suited up while Jane watched from the safety of the control room. We joined in the fray, singling out Thor.

"Brother, man of iron! I'm so glad you chose to join us. Tis a grand battle!" Thor boomed.

"Give us the label gun!" I shouted.

"The what gun? Brother, what does your mate speak of?"

"Thor, Jane, Tony and I wish to speak with you. Jane is waiting for us in the control room." Loki explained. Thor settled to the ground and headed out to the the control room. Steve looked as us in questioning.

"We'll bring him back in one piece…more or less" I mumbled the last part. Hulk took advantage of the distraction and threw him into a wall. At least there was one bright part of my day.

I lifted the face mask of my suit when we reached the control room. Jane was standing with her arms crossed over her breasts, face turning red in anger. Loki held out the labels that were attached to him.

"What is the meaning of you sticking labels to everything?" Jane shouted.

"What have I told you about taking things that belong to me?" I added.

"My ass is not yours, Thor."

"Yeah! mine!" I returned smacking Loki's ass. To which he gave me a glare that said this is not the appropriate time.

"Jane, what is everyone talking about?" Thor finally asked looking highly confused. Jane unfolded her arms revealing the labels attached to her breasts. She had taken off the one on her head. Thor bent low to read the labels.

"Property of Thor." He recited. "Yes, those are mine, but why the need for the stickers? Did Tony make a pass at you?" Thor turned picking me up in his left hand preparing to punch me. I slid my face shield shut before impact. Loki stepped in calming him. Thor set me down while Loki pushed him in a chair.

"Thor, listen. I know Hulk has probably hit you one too many times in the head this morning. I woke up with one of these things stuck to my forehead and apparently my bottom. Jane has suffered the same. If I have one anywhere else on my person I will see to it Hulk smashes you into Niflheim. Give us the label maker and all will be fine."

"Label maker? I know not of such a device." Thor looked more confused than ever.

"You didn't label all the Pop Tarts?" I asked.

"No." He said. I flipped up the face mask again looking at Loki who looked as confused as Thor did moments ago.

"Then who?"

Hawkeye suddenly stood in the doorway laughing, holding the label maker.

"You!" Thor stood stalking after the smaller man. "You dare touch my woman in inappropriate means. This is your end!" Clint dropped the device and ran, Thor in hot pursuit. I looked from Loki to Jane.

"Coffee?" I asked.


End file.
